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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23406076">Can't Find A Better Man</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Boxer Or The Bag [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pearl Jam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gay, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Male Slash, Physical Abuse, Sad with a Hopeful Ending</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 07:13:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23406076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff"><p>Really not surprised my work took a darker turn. There aren't too many abuse stories told from the abusers perspective online. This is kinda inspired by the currently unfinished Metallica story A look Inside David's Mind.  Check it out if you haven't already. It's a very good story.</p><p>Thanks for reading bye!</p></div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeff Ament/Stone Gossard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Boxer Or The Bag [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1734931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Can't Find A Better Man</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Three years? It felt like a lifetime since me and Jeff started dating. </p><p>I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. It was after our first Pearl Jam show. Jeff initiated the kiss. I was so shocked at first I didn't know how to react. Jeff was so anxious he'd think I'd be disgusted. But I pushed him against the wall and hungrily kissed him back.</p><p>We loved each other. I thought we'd never hurt each other but I was wrong.</p><p>It was our first fight. I can't really remember what or argument was about. Jeff was pissed at me. It might have had something to do with Pearl Jam. I saw red, I snapped and I slapped Jeff. I couldn't believe it.</p><p>Jeff was so hurt and heartbroken. Honestly he shouldn't have stayed after that but he did. I apologized and Jeff immediately forgave me. He blamed himself. He shouldn't have it wasn't his fault.</p><p>I knew our relationship would never be the same again. It wasn't. I would hit and beat Jeff for any little thing. I'd berate him and make him think he wasn't good enough. Jeff is a better person than I'll ever be.</p><p>Jeff used to fight back that was until I beat him so hard I broke his ribs, then he stopped.</p><p>Nobody knew about the abuse. Most hardly knew we were dating. Lots of people saw Jeff as the one that wore the pants in our relationship because he was older. Every cut and bruise was written off as boys would be boys. Not abuse.</p><p>Jeff's falling out of love with me. I can tell he doesn't say he loves me anymore only out of fear. I feel so pathetic.</p><p>Jeff had no one to turn to. He told no one. So I thought. </p><p>Him and Eddie were best friends they always roomed together on tour. They had each other's back and were as thick as thieves. I was almost jealous.</p><p>A few months back Eddie and Jeff were sitting in these chairs next to each other and Eddie was rubbing his back. I was upset I wanted to rip his hand off Jeff. But that was the least of my problems. Eddie had given me this death glare. That's how I knew he knew.</p><p>I was so livid with Jeff I couldn't believe he told. I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. But Eddie found a way to keep us from being alone with each other for the rest of the tour.</p><p>Jeff's smile came back he was happier again. All because he was separated from me.</p><p>"I have a new song I want to play. I gave the guys the music but not the lyrics. That's because this song is for a friend a very special friend." Eddie says.</p><p>I notice him glance at Jeff when he said that.</p><p>"<em>Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's</em><br/>
<em>Got to stop</em><br/>
<em>Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech</em><br/>
<em>As he opens the door, she rolls over...</em><br/>
<em>Pretends to sleep as he looks her over</em></p>
<p></p><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>Eddie gives me a harsh glare. I know he's talking about me and Jeff</p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>
    <em>She lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man</em><br/>
<em>She dreams in colour, she dreams in red, can't find a better man</em><br/>
<em>Can't find a better man</em><br/>
<em>Can't find a better man</em><br/>
<em>oh.."</em>
  </p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>The crowd cheers and Eddie gets them to quite down.</p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>Eddie looks directly at Jeff again almost trying to peer into his soul. "I hope that can convince this person very near and dear to me, to leave that bastard they can do better."</p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p>I don't want to admit it but deep down I know it's over.</p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p> </p>
</div><div class="ujudUb">
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Really not surprised my work took a darker turn. There aren't too many abuse stories told from the abusers perspective online. This is kinda inspired by the currently unfinished Metallica story A look Inside David's Mind.  Check it out if you haven't already. It's a very good story.</p><p>Thanks for reading bye!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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